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    In many places there is a big discrepancy between the laws which exist on the books and what happens in practice.


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    Until we knew each other’s deepest secrets, had a long list of inside jokes and preferred each other to everyone else in the world. As I got older, I started to feel silly using the term “best friend” to describe someone — it felt so childish, like having a favorite color — but I struggled to find another way to explain what I meant.

    I spent the rest of high school and college operating that way. No, this wasn’t just someone I sat next to in Spanish, this was a person whose bed I cried in after a breakup, whose apartment I could drive to with my eyes closed, whose freckles I could draw by memory.

    The more involved the registration process the slower the chat rooms seem to be, though speed could vary by location, day of the week and time of day.

    We always preferred what the other was wearing and we liked to confuse our teacher, Mrs. We were attached at the hip, and spent hours after school doing homework and playing house. We were on the same sports teams, performed together in talent shows, logged countless sleepovers, truths and dares.

    Her mom kept the kind of jelly I liked (no seeds) in the pantry.

    But as my world expanded, and not all my friendships had so much history, a pecking order felt less appropriate. Sometimes they’re short but deep, or weird but perfect, or long and low-humming. Then one day last year, Amelia said something in passing that I never forgot: “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” She said she’d heard Mindy Kaling’s character say it on and, random as that was, it had stuck with her. When I heard it, I felt my confused relationship with the term click into place.

    It’s probably a personal sickness, my love of applying structure and scaffolding to feelings, but maybe I’ll always be that way.

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