Low expectations mean high excitement at small success. This isn’t in reference to any particular difficulty facing trans women, though there are many; it is always helpful to lower your expectations. Ok Cupid, Match, or Tinder; it doesn’t really matter where, but you’ll need one. Use lines like “Of course I’m a biological woman, and not a cyber woman… Find ways to forgive them in your heart for being such shitheels. You may want to high-five the women who are still attracted to you, regardless of what you discuss. Practice explaining why “biological woman” is ridiculous. Practice your smile and, “Ok, that’s fine, I had fun,” response to “I can’t sleep with you now,” or “I’m just not attracted to [your genitals],” or “I’m a gold star lesbian, I can’t sleep with you.” You may also hear, “you’re so brave.” 12. Bask in the glow of reciprocal attraction when it does occur – it may be rare. You will be elated in your heart that someone cares about you, and wants to kiss you… Gird your loins against the barbs flung at you and your partner. Embrace being a really hot lesbian with a super amazing girlfriend. Try to not be burned by them with every single uneducated, casual insult. It doesn’t matter if they actually care about you for who you are as a person, there are many who enjoy distilling you to your transgender history. Laugh to yourself at all the ridiculously sad people who would want to hurt you and your partner. Brook is a queer trans woman living in Portland who hangs out with her cat, and does all manner of technical magic for a software company.
After the point that she referred to me as a “trans woman” as opposed to a “woman woman,” I found it difficult to bring myself to even say much for the last few minutes of our little disaster date. Where complete strangers ask you about your genitals? Use some of your flirting skills from being at the bar while you are online. A lot of people online are too shy to go out, so they will not know how to respond to you. Get better at reading through their answers to weed out the ubiquitous racism, transmisogyny, littering, and incompatible goals. Brace yourself for the inevitable pre-hookup question or revelation about your body or identity. Remind her that you won’t be meeting any nice boys because you are a lesbian.